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Please help!

I haven't been on here for a while. Not because I can't be bothered or appreciate all you lovely ladies support but because I have been trying to do what all the doctors recommend and just try to stop thinking so much about ovulating and baby making so it will just happen. The thing is I can't get this problem out of my head. Its eating away at me and really making me question if we should just stop.
Here goes...
We have been trying to conceive for over a year now and its something we both want, or so I thought.
We have both been taking vitamins, light exercising . I have cut out caffeine, make sure I eat properly and stay as healthy as I can.
I thought my partner was being so great and supportive. I'm a very opened minded person and I know boys will be boys and do...well what they do if you catch my drift. I just let him know my ovulation week is coming up and to concentrate on saving them for that. Last month I told him its ovulation week and I come home early from work on a quiet day and there he is just going for it in bed! On the very day that is crucial! My initial reaction wasn't great, I think it was something along the lines of "what the f&@k" and just walking off and not coming home for nearly 6 hours. Just went to my friends and cried for a good portion of that. We had a long talk and I explained how bad I felt every month that I wasn't pregnant, how I felt I let him down because he was being so supportive etc then the only time I ever ask anything from him, at an important time he could be jeopardising our chances. So I get over it, try and move on and this month, let him know. Think things are A Okay, I'm doing the hoovering, hover under the bed and the Hoover sucks a ball of wet toilet roll, yeah you guessed it. So he's not even hiding it. I just want to clarify that I do not have a problem at all with my partner pleasuring himself any other time than that one week per month. Heck he can reduce it to a stump if he is happy. Right now I'm just devastated, he was the one who started the "let's try for our baby" conversation last year. Right now, I just want to stop. I've tried to talk to him and he is point blank denying it..claims its from over a week ago, I'm sure you's are not buying that one either. It was fresh believe me. We don't know if there is a problem and with whom because they won't test us until we have been ttc for two years. I don't understand that because on here people are saying 1 year.
I feel hurt and stupid like he is making a fool of me. I feel like its too much.
Any advice?? Am I being a drama queen?

6 Replies • 9 years ago


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9 years ago • Post starter


Oh man. I TOTALLY get why you are upset. Like, completely, honestly, I GET IT. It's like it makes you wonder if he's doing it on purpose just to sabotage your efforts, ya know?? Well, that's how I would take it, anyway. Like, he's trying to get rid of all the strong swimmers so they won't be available for baby making... BUT, I'm a girl, and I wondered if I was being too "womanly" in my thinking, so I asked my husband for a guy's opinion.

In his opinion, sex during ttc basically becomes robotic. And stressful for him, too. He said your husband is probably stressed as well out because you're not pregnant yet. SOO... when boys get stressed out, they reach for their... ya know lol. For your husband, the added stress of "THIS WEEK" probably has his nerves on edge so he's looking for something to calm him. Kinda like a baby sucking his thumb. In all honesty he probably just doesn't even think about it being detrimental to your ttc efforts. It's kinda like me biting my nails... I know it's bad, but I get stressed and the next thing you know, chomp chomp chomp. And then he denies it because he doesn't know how to explain why he does it in the first place, and he knows you'll want an explanation.

In other words.. my husband says you need to learn to calm down on the ttc. (He has NO IDEA what he asks of you, I know!! Lol) But anyway, I hope his opinion on the matter has helped somehow... in my husband's eyes, your husband isn't trying to hurt your efforts, he's just trying to calm himself down while regaining control of his manly regions... lol ;)

Hope some of this helped!!! :)

9 years ago


Because the TTC efforts and conversations were stressing my husband out, I decided this month to not say anything. He had no idea when the window was. If he didn't make any moves on me during that window I seduced him instead. He never knew. And we managed to BD a TON! Give it a try and see if it helps.


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9 years ago


Thanks for your replies.
A mans Point of view has definitely helped me try to understand why he is doing this.
I really don't put any pressure on him any other days, don't say "we have to have sex now" , its just when the mood takes us so maybe that sudden restriction of "I'm ovulating, its a no no" is making him a little stressed. Or saying you can't do something makes you want to do it? Either way its pretty sad that he can't see the harm and just not.
Its tough I mean, its happened and now it has affected the whole thing. Just as you think "okay so we are both doing our best, thats all we can do"
Its just added another little bit of a sting when the dreaded period comes AGAIN for another month!
Sorry if I'm winging on about it!

9 years ago • Post starter


I can definitely understand your frustration. I been trying to do a lot of reading and the problem is there is a lot of mix messages out there. One place tells you to have lots of sex so you can produce fresh sperm and others say if you "do it" too much, the sperm count will be less. Who knows what to do.

I also agree with 2old4this, I think when men know they are trying to conceive, it puts added pressure on them. I'm going through something a little different. My DH agreed that we would try to conceive but then our sex life did a 180. I feel like we are not having fun, he's just doing this to make a deposit.

If I was you I would just change things around a little bit. Like try to get to him before he gets to him self if you get what I mean

9 years ago


I know what you mean about the robot sex..I get that feeling sometimes too. The whole time your just thinking "is this the time" . People keep saying "just relax and stop thinking about it and it will just happen"
I get a bit frustrated (and I really shouldn't because I know they are just trying to be nice) .
Hmmm I think the general vibe is that when we are TTC the ' vava voom' va a vanishes and its stressful.
I think I will keep doing my bit and instead of giving him the "its now" signal, I'll just get into something new and sexy, not tell him and just initiate some 'suprise' sex.I don't know when the last time I did that was...probably before trying to make our baby. Take his mind of his manhood so to speak. Who knows maybe feeling a bit sexy for a change might be good for me too.

Thank you so much for your replies :)

9 years ago • Post starter


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