Community post

1 in 4 women will experience the loss of a baby at some point in the their lives - either by miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. All of us have been affected, directly or indirectly by loss, and may need help to navigate the difficult road of finding peace after such a traumatic event. Please make use of the resources below, and share them with anyone you know who may need it.

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." - Earl Grollman

Resources

http://nationalshare.org - Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support is a community for anyone who experiences the tragic death of a baby. We often serve parents, grandparents, siblings, and others in the family unit, as well as the professionals who care for grieving families. Our services include bed-side companions, phone counseling, face-to-face support group meetings, resource packets, private online communities, memorial events, training for caregivers, and so much more.

http://pailnetwork.ca - PAIL Network is committed to making a positive difference to those affected by pregnancy and infant loss. Our loss is unique and our grief is often discounted, to parents the death is devastating. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network provides support services to bereaved parents and their families in Canada.

http://babyloss-awareness.org - For bereaved parents, and their families and friends, across the world to unite and commemorate their babies’ lives. To raise awareness about the issues surrounding pregnancy and baby loss in the UK.

http://www.pregnancylossaustralia.org.au - Pregnancy Loss Australia is a national support program for bereaved families who suffer the loss of their baby or babies from miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for feotal abnormality and neo natal loss through our early support program and professional support services.

http://grieveoutloud.org - This is no time to be alone. Our Voices of Loss Pen-Pal Program is designed to link you and a fellow babyloss mother, father or grandparent together to talk openly about yourself, your pregnancy, delivery, your child and everything you are feeling. Voices of Loss has over 60+ volunteers who have all suffered pregnancy and infant loss. We understand and are here to help you find your voice after loss.

http://www.bearsofhope.org.au Bears Of Hope Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support provides leading support and exceptional care for families who experience the loss of their baby. We seek to provide crucial information and embrace families during their difficult time of loss, and beyond.

https://pregnancyafterlosssupport.com - Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS) is a community support resource for women experiencing the confusing and conflicting emotions of grief mixed with joy during the journey through pregnancy after loss. We seek to help expectant mothers celebrate their current pregnancy by choosing hope over fear while still nurturing and honoring the grief over the loss of their deceased child.

http://www.thetearsfoundation.org - The TEARS Foundation is a non-profit organization that seeks to compassionately assist bereaved parents with the financial expenses they face in making final arrangements for their precious baby who has died. Many of the founders and volunteers at The TEARS Foundation have experienced the loss of their own baby, and want to reach out in this way to support newly bereaved parents in their time of devastating sorrow.

"I carried you every second of your life, and I will love you every second of mine."

To my little angel Dallen 7/9/15 mommy and daddy love u and miss you very much there's not a day that goes by I don't think of you always in our hearts forever love you very much my guardian angel. Love mommy and daddy your big brother Christopher and big sister Elianna

@lilimpkids So sorry for your loss... Thank you for sharing with us.

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve."
- Earl Grollman

To all the ladies that have or will post on here today, my heart and thoughts are with you .
My husband and I have been trying to have children for almost 4 years now. We had a surprise pregnancy in July 2011 but while still trying to find a way to tell dh in a fun way, I started bleeding and cramping. After breaking the news to him, we decided we were ready to start a family. However, as soon as we started ttc, I stopped ovulating and was diagnosed with pcos. After a year of trying naturally with supplements and weightloss, we started clomid treatments. I got pregnant on our 3rd round and we were ecstatic! We started planning the nursery and how we'd surprise the family. My doctor decided to run some extra blood work just to check our numbers. The next day while grocery shopping, she called me to break the news...my numbers had dropped and I would miscarry soon. I almost collapsed in the middle of the store in disbelief. Somehow, I was able to finish my shopping but when I got home, I collapsed in the kitchen and cried with my husband. On March 18th, 2013, I said goodbye to my 2nd sweet angel. Two months later we decided to switch doctors since my doctor had giggled when she told me I was miscarrying. We tried another round of clomid and were shocked to have another bfp. I was nervous but excited. My tests were getting darker but my breasts werent hurting anymore. Sure enough, after 5 weeks, my doctor called me from her home to update me on my betas and my numbers had dropped. My heart broke. On July 21st, 2013, I said goodbye to my 3rd angel baby. We decided to take a break after that.
A month later, I wasnt feeling well and after checking my bbt, I realized I had ovulated on my own. I took an hpt and within moments, I had a 2nd pink line. It was a holiday weekend and we were having a family reunion. It was hard to hold in my excitement. We couldnt wait til that tuesday to get my betas but while at the reunion, I started bleeding. Within a few days, my tests were negative again and my 4th angel baby went to heaven (August 31st, 2013). I had been begging my doctor for testing which she finally agreed to but she sent me to another facility in St Louis called Parints. Based on my history and family history, I was right that something was wrong. I was diagnosed with a double heterozygous mthfr mutation. I was put on extra folic acid and baby aspirin. We were so sure that everything would be fine after that. After a few months off, we started an IUI cycle and BAM, bfp on 9dpo. My betas looked good but a week later, I started spotting. My progesterone meds were increased and we prayed for a miracle. Despite everything, on April 15th 2014, we lost our 5th angel baby. Our doctors gave up and said they wouldnt treat me anymore and my only option was IVF and I may never have children. I refused to believe it. We started saving for an RE and in the meantime, I had been studying supplements used in Europe and started daily fertility massage. Finally in April 2015, with right supplements and at home treatments, I ovulated...on cd16! It was a miracle. I didnt even know I ovulated until a few days after when my nipples got sore. On 7dpo I started spotting and it continued til 12 dpo. I figured it was my body being stupid so I took a hpt to rule out a bfp before stopping my progesterone. I was floored when I saw a beautiful DARK bfp. I had never had one that dark before! The spotting continued for days despite progesterone supplements. We were on all the medications and I was resting as much as possible. Spotting had stopped and it was the longest we had gone in any pregnancy. I thought...this is it! Finally our rainbow baby. Then while at my parent's house one sunday, I went to the bathroom and passed a blood clot. I knew what was happening but my husband refused to believe it. By the next morning (May 4th, 2015) I had miscarried our 6th angel baby.
We recently found an amazing RE in st louis that is taking my miscarriages seriously. He tested me for things my other doctors wouldnt. On top of the mthfr, my homocysteine levels are high and I have some autoimmune issues. In 9 days, we are starting an injectable cycle with timed intercouse. I'll be on a high dose of immune suppressants and blood thinning injections in my abdomen. Our RE is very optimistic, but after having my 6 sweet angels go to heaven...I'm scared. I'm excited to start this new treatment regimen but I cant help but to worry.
I miss my babies so much. We are surrounded by children that were conceived literally the same month, week or day as ours. Looking at them always makes me wonder what our little ones look like or how their laughs sound. These past 4 years, I have found myself at some of the highest points in life...to be followed by the lowest. There have been days that I've wanted to fight, kick, and scream and others, I dont want to get out of bed. BUT GOD...God has carried me through this storm and I still trust him.
One thing I have been stuggling with, is finding a way to remember my babies. I think of them daily but sometimes the past 4 years have felt like a dream and I want something to represent them. I've thought of getting a special necklace or a tattoo.
Would anyone be willing to share how they keep the memories of their little angels alive?
I hope you dont mind me sharing my LONG story but it helps me so much to share with others who have been through it as well.

@waitingonmymiracle: So sorry for you losses... you've had a difficult road.

I have heard many touching ways to remember our little ones. Some people plants trees, make or find garden stepping stones, get tattoos, jewellery with each birthstone or initials/names, scrapbooks, memory boxes...

I thought that making (or buying) a stained glass ornament for the window for each lost baby would be such a beautiful way to remember them. Every time the sun would shine through it would make a lovely stream of colours around the room - like being surrounded by them :)

I went out on a long walk after each loss and walked until I found a stone that "felt" like the right stone to represent them - sometimes it didn't take long, other times the right stone didn't show itself for many walks and months. When I would find it I carried them home, and there was something comforting about the weight of it in my arms - like it filled a void there. I then lined each new stone up next to their waiting angel siblings in the garden. I smile when I see them now.

I wish you all the best on your new chapter, I'm glad you've found a supportive team to help you! Thank you for sharing your story...

My Husband and I have been trying to start our family for almost two and a half years now. We finally got our first faint BFP in January. Before I could test again I had started to cramp and spot. I lost that first angel the same week my niece was born. We got our second faint BFP 11 April 2015 from our first medicated IUI cycle. I had a beta test done to confirm. When I got the call I was told that the numbers looked too low to be viable and on 16 April 2015 I started cramping and bleeding heavily. I still think about both of those angels. I wonder how far along I'd be and how different my life would be right now. I still have trouble talking about them without crying. Im pretty sure I've never felt as excited or as depressed as i have in the past 6 months. My husband and I continue to try to start our family with the help of our RE clinic. I'm hopeful but also scared to experience the pain of loss again.

Our daughter Nevaeh Mae was born sleeping at 20 weeks and 4 days on 5/23/11. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her, until we meet again sweet angel. Always loved and never forgotten