Community post

I know exactly how you feel. We m/c'ed 3 mths into our pregnancy after trying for 2.5 years. My sister was pregnant at the same time, and although I was happy for her it also tore my heart out watching her baby grow while mine died. Now she is pregnant again, and her 2nd child is due the same month my baby would've been born. You never really get over it, but people who haven't been through it don't understand. I deleted all social media, and politely decline baby showers. It has helped some not letting myself become surrounded by it. Maybe you should try to go ghost for a while and let your friends know that you're having a hard time coping.

Hi Nicole!

I just wanted you to know I understand your feelings! It's been 5 years almost 6 since my first pregnancy ended in MC and still 2 kids later I think of the baby, it's due date, the day I found out I was pregnant, the day I miscarried... I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace soon! xxxooo

Nixie90.

I signed up to this forum specifically to respond to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I too got pregnant within DAYS of my absolute best friend. At 17 weeks, I lost my son. That was the hardest time of my entire life.

You and I were due at the same time. Yesterday was the day I was supposed to have him. It was a really hard day for me and like you, no one understands. No one understands miscarriage unless they have had one, and miscarriage affects no one but the woman and maybe her husband. It is such a lonely thing to bear. And even women who have had miscarriages can't console another woman for hers because there is just no consolation.

My friend is having her baby girl on Wednesday. I helped throw her shower. I will have to see her have a perfectly healthy baby girl all the while remembering my baby boy and wishing that I were having him. And it doesn't end there because she is my best friend. Every time I see her daughter for the next however-many years, I will think of the son I lost.

I lost 3 before my baby boy at 17 weeks. Unlike you, I was not patient and I tried again after 3 months. I got pregnant again and guess what? I had yet another miscarriage. I have just finished bleeding for that one. I am now obsessing about babies, ovulation, charting, OPKs.

I think it is HORRIBLE that they haven't even had the kindness or compassion to say anything to you, though I don't believe that means they aren't thinking it. People don't know what to say and they don't want to say the wrong thing. I was really hurt at my friend's shower that no one said anything to me (it was supposed to have been a double shower!!) but afterward, two friends (including the pregnant one) talked to me about it and acknowledged my loss. I wish your friends would do that for you.

I am really thinking about you and I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow. I hope with all my might that you will conceive soon and carry to term. How far along were you? Was it your first?

I am thinking of you.

Megan

Nixie. I thought of you all day. I am aching on the inside, aching on the outside. My friend is having her baby day after tomorrow. I can't tell her how broken hearted I still am and I can't be open about my feelings because this is supposed to be such a happy time for her and she is my best friend. I hope that you had a happy birthday after all and I hope that you will conceive soon.

Morning guys,

I thought I was going to have an amazing day because I woke up feeling half okay and lots of people were really supportive. However the friend I had who was pregnant didn't acknowledge the day that it was at all and could barely wish me a happy birthday.

Normally when I get upset like this I would sob and cry but I literally have turned myself off, I can't feel anything I haven't shed one tear - I'm worried that perhaps all this has gone too far and that something inside me has flipped.

thank you for all your support and understanding on my post,
Meganmc be strong and keep yourself busy today I'm at work now but I will message you later on this evening to see how you are.

lots of love to you all
I hope my numbness goes away today.
<3

I know this is late but it may help others or you on your future anniversaries. I never had anyone acknowledge my losses. My most recent loss thus far has been the hardest. My due date was August 6th. I lost my baby girl early on. There was a coworker who was due the same week who had twins. That was a kick in the gut. I understand your pain. The pain never has gone away, but it gets easier to remember the positives.

I decided on my due date anniversary to spend some time honoring the little girl that I was mom to for too short of a time. After her loss I made a keepsake box. In this box I placed ultrasound photos, my pregnancy tests and OPK charts, sympathy cards from a friend and hospital staff, a Christmas ornament I bought when I was still planning for her to be part of our family. The most special item in there is my favorite onesie I had bought for her. I took out all these items, read the cards and my journal entry about the day I found out I was pregnant. I touched and unbuttoned the onesie, felt the fabric and snaps and just cried. I cried for the loss of my little Laurel and I cried for the love I felt for her. Though I never met her, she was my daughter and I honored the short time she was in my life. It didn't matter after that that others did not acknowledge my anniversary or loss. What mattered was the gift of being able to be mom to a perfect, perfect little baby that I would never meet.

This is what has helped me in those dark and heartbroken moments.

I know exactly how you feel yesterday was my due date to my Angel, Baby Mo. It was I easy I would think about it and then try to keep busy. I also am in middle of 2ww so that wanting to keep stress down and stay positive was helpful. The pain of a loss is never forgotten. Best of luck to is all