Community post

I teach 10th grade and am going through ivf. I frequently have to take days off for blood work, ultrasounds and egg retrievals. My students have no idea I am doing ivf or any of the struggles I have been going through. All they know is that I want to have kids in the near future. Whenever I am out I am pretty vague. I don't lie to them but I don't tell the whole truth either. Example, I will say I had to have minor surgery and reassure them that everything is fine but I won't say the surgery was to retrieve eggs for ivf. I believe there needs to be some separation between professional and private lives. Sharing some info is great for bonding with students and creating those teachable life lessons but I don't think this should be one of them. Of course it is a very personal choice and will depend on what kind of relationship you have built with your students.

On another note, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you get another bfp very soon!

I teach 8th grade and experienced early pg loss last year. I told my boss and one close co-worker, but not my students. I still went to work and bled heavily, so much that I had to run out of the room due to bleeding through my clothes. My students knew I was upset because I would sit and cry at my desk during lunch and prep and would look like a hot mess when they came into the room. While its great for students to be able to identify with you as a person, it is also important to be a pillar of strength for them as Lord knows what crazy things happen in their lives. It is a personal decision.

I chose to leave the classroom after last year's miscarriage (I've been teaching for 7 years). My job was just too stressful and I think stress plays a major role in the success of a pregnancy. I just found out today that I'm pg again, so I'm praying this little bean sticks. Good luck to you!

Thank you both for your honest responses.

I agree, there should be a separation between personal lives and work lives.

Because my students didn't know I was pregnant to begin with (I only knew for 3 weeks myself), I don't think I will tell them I miscarried. However, I have realized that talking about miscarriages is one of the last few taboos that exist in our society, and I don't want to treat it as such with my students. However (again), I've been reading stories of teachers who tell their students and (kids can be cruel), those students aren't as compassionate as one might hope. I know SOME of my kids can handle it, but if I'm going to tell, I need to tell all of my classes because the news would travel anyway. I also don't want parents thinking I'm dumping my problems on their kids because I know that my students probably have enough going on in their own lives. I teach in a rough urban setting where many of my students struggle to find meals or even just a little parental guidance.

I will probably just tell them that I had some personal things going on that needed tending to and I needed some personal time to deal with those problems. I will also tell them I'm fine now and moving forward and they have nothing to worry about.

Thanks again for your responses, ladies.

ttcteacher, and :)

mnor0406, and for the both of us on our journeys to become mommies. <3

Thank you both for your honest responses.

I agree, there should be a separation between personal lives and work lives.

Because my students didn't know I was pregnant to begin with (I only knew for 3 weeks myself), I don't think I will tell them I miscarried. However, I have realized that talking about miscarriages is one of the last few taboos that exist in our society, and I don't want to treat it as such with my students. However (again), I've been reading stories of teachers who tell their students and (kids can be cruel), those students aren't as compassionate as one might hope. I know SOME of my kids can handle it, but if I'm going to tell, I need to tell all of my classes because the news would travel anyway. I also don't want parents thinking I'm dumping my problems on their kids because I know that my students probably have enough going on in their own lives. I teach in a rough urban setting where many of my students struggle to find meals or even just a little parental guidance.

I will probably just tell them that I had some personal things going on that needed tending to and I needed some personal time to deal with those problems. I will also tell them I'm fine now and moving forward and they have nothing to worry about.

Thanks again for your responses, ladies.

ttcteacher, and :)

mnor0406, and for the both of us on our journeys to become mommies. <3

I'm in the same position...I teach 5-7 year olds in the uk. Everyone at work knows as it's easier for me to be honest but I wouldn't tell the kids. Life is depressing enough and I often regret telling my co workers as now I'm constantly being asked if I'm pregnant yet and if I'm ok. Overload on sympathy. Would hate to have that pity look from kids or parents like I do from colleagues if I bumped into them in the supermarket.

Hi there. I wouldn't tell them. For one thing, have you told the rest of the staff that you are trying? If not, they would soon discover that and they would constantly be wondering if you were pregnant. Kids are totally fine with "I was unwell". People are sometimes off for an entire week with a bad flu so I wouldn't worry about the amount of time you were away. By not telling them, you are certainly not being dishonest. It is your private life and you are entitled to keep private things private. I went through the wondering about telling people stage after my miscarriage at 10 weeks, and realised it was almost for selfish reasons, wanting some validation of being pregnant. Wanting sympathy. I realised that telling wasn't going to help them, and in the long run it would have made things far more difficult for me when I continued to not get pregnant again. People would wonder.

I chose not to. :)

Thanks for your responses, ladies.

I didn't end up telling them. Though I did end up crying at the beginning of every class that day trying to explain that something happened and I was grieving. I told them I wouldn't burden them with my grief, but to be patient with me as I dealt with what was going on in my life. They were incredibly understanding and compassionate. I said hugs and notes were okay with me, and every time I said that at least 5 kids immediately got out of their seats to hug me. One student left me a note in my spiral notebook I keep in front of the class for notes. Another made me a card with his mom that had Nat King Cole lyrics inside about smiling through tears.

I've come to terms with it now and I am at peace. Ready to try again. In fact, I'm 6 DPO today and both anxious and terrified to test on Saturday.

Thanks again for your advice and time responding to my questions. Baby Dust to all of you. :)