Community post
Oh man...who else doesn't feel like BDing anymore?
I'm supposedly going to be ovulating in the next 2 days... and I dunno - I'm just not in the mood. We did it last night, it was great...but it's starting to just feel like a job. :( Where did the romance go? It's like we're only doing it to make a baby - and that, in turn, totally turns me off. No more juices flowing down south...lol... It's our 4th month TTC - when do you regain hope?
*sigh*
11 Replies • 12 years ago
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Hey!
I can absolutely relate to you. I have some thoughts on the matter.
First, I wholeheartedly believe your husband should be the first to know how you're feeling about this. I can talk to my hubby about anything and I absolutely tell him when I'm feeling a little down about bding and how it feels like a job.
Secondly, whether your hubby suggests this or you do (cause not all men think on this level sometimes) - definitely talk to eachother about how to spice things up. To change something that you've been doing to keep it different.
My husband is always keeping me accountable to make sure we are enjoying each other and not focus completely on a child cause a baby will come with time. To be honest, you're gonna wish after you have the baby that you two had time alone like you do now. Haha.. It's just life.
When having intimacy with your spouse comes down to science (I.e. Bding at this time, making sure this is done perfect, etc), it becomes stale. Just let things happen and have fun! The less stress, the easier it is to conceive! :-)
I don't want to preach, just giving my two cents and how my husband and I deal with this :-)
Happy bding and good luck!
12 years ago
urban has a point.
i feel like i can talk to my hubby about anything. i think when you tell men things are getting to be a chore they have that inner competitiveness and try to step it up lol. but i have been there before we have been ttc for over 3 years (with no luck) and have been together over 6yrs.
but if you dont want to tell him you can think about why you feel in love with him and what turns you on about him.
and if that doesnt work, i will wake up in the morning and start planning my day (if i know we will be BDing) i will fix myself up a little nicer than my day-to-day (feeling sexy is key) and i will cook a nice dinner and try to think of something special to do like watching a gushy romantic movie (im so luck because DH actually likes chick flicks). and just pretend like we are dating again, because everything was so new and fresh when we first got together. and i forget that we are doing it because we have to but because we love each other.
Hope this helps! and
12 years ago
Thanks for all your advice! :) I talked to my hubby last night... Our problem lies in the fact that I am much more sexually driven than he is (imagine that!). So I opened up to him last night and said, "well...I have a very regular cycle. I know when my fertile period is - so we need to take advantage of that window." He doesn't understand. He said, "You know - with all the billions of women out there that have gotten pregnant, do you think that they all charted their temps, used their calculations to figure out when they were ovulating? No...it happens precisely when it's meant to happen - so stop stressing out about it, quit feeling like it's a chore, a job...because it DOES feel like a job - clocking in every morning... I love you so much, but let's just relax and take it easy..."
God, I love him...he sure does put up with a lot. :) But...it's easier said than done, though - if we were to only have sex once a week, the chances would be slim to none of getting pregnant. I *have* to know when my fertile window is...I can't *not* look.
Oh boy - this turned into a venting session...I'm sorry! :) Glad there are others out there that feel the same way.
12 years ago • Post starter
no its fine. its good to vent. my DH says the same thing but after 3 years i think he justs puts himself in that mind frame to keep from getting his hopes up too much. and he prefers i keep all the testing, temping, and charting to myself which helps to ease the pressure off of him and it doesnt feel like too much of a job....(to him lol).
i guess what im trying to say is he wants me to be secretive about all of that so it will feel more spontaneus to him.
Just be stong you will find out what works for yall...
and to you!!!!
12 years ago
My DH and I had Dr ordered sex last night. That was so much fun after a huge fight earlier.
Sigh. I have a low libido to begin with, and he has no qualms telling me I'm boring in bed (I like straight forward "nice" bd'ing), so BD on demand is the worst for us.
After 12 years of marriage, and 5 years of TTC #2, some days I could care less if I ever had sex again. Isn't that awful?!
12 years ago
Oh lisserb...I don't think it's awful...it's how you feel. some of the ladies on this thread have great advice. I know I'm going to try some of it. I have a low libido too. I had my thyroid out, and it seems like ever since then, I couldn't care less. Stress also has a huge roll. I also ready somewhere that the more you have sex, the more you want it. Can't hurt to try right?
12 years ago
nursejones29 -
YES! That's what he says, too! He doesn't want to talk about making a baby...the temps, the cervical mucus...lol. So I didn't. :) I was so proud of myself, I haven't brought it up in a month! But...alas, I know I'M doing it...so my libido takes a nose dive.
I wish I could just "give up" on all this and just go at it...
Ok - I'm going to take your advice. Tonight/tomorrow is the big "O" day. I'm going to take a shower tonight, doll myself up...FEEL pretty...because you're right - I've gained a couple of pounds the past few weeks (hey, I like to eat!) and I haven't been feeling as attractive. :)
Yeah!
Also - if it's any consulation...any friend I've ever made on here has become pregnant within 1 month - no joke. So...feel free to befriend me, it appears that I'm a lucky charm. lol
12 years ago • Post starter
For me, in addition to good chick flicks, I love reading. So when I feel like it's all just work, I read a nice spicy book (DH calls them smut novels lol). If he is the one that's feeling like it's work, he watches a movie (if you know what I mean lol) because that's what gets his drive going.
12 years ago
Oh, I hear ya! LOL! I chuckled while reading these posts! I'm getting up there in years and it seems the "go get 'em" drive is waning at times. I am one of those whose partner is super gushy and lovey-dovey. He joked to me today (when I told him AF will be here any minute now--booo hissss) that it was because we weren't using candles to make things romantic. Can you believe that? LOL! I told him we will use candles next O time.
If I talk about CM and nipples hurting, he gets revved up. I don't get any peace! ahahahaa! ;-) So I guess I have the opposite problem then, eh? Maybe I will try that glass of wine trick....
themasuokas...may I add you as a friend? LOL!
thanks!
12 years ago
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