Community post

Hey sweetie!

Just wanted to pop in and say that although my fertility issues arent as bad as yours (still hoping yours arent too bad!! - Good luck tomorrow!!) I have had ALL of the thoughts you shared.

I hate myself for being a "bitch" all the time. Even on here (no matter how happy I am for them) when someone says "I got a bfp" I can't help but think "Great... it's happening for everyone else but me."

On MANY occasions I have wondered if dh was just going to wake up one day realizing I couldnt have kids and walk away

When I had the m/c I was so worried that dh would be angry with me that I just burst into tears. It took me 10 mins before I was calm enough to tell him that I had started bleeding.

I look at women who are pg or who have kids that dont take care of themselves (as you said) and think "why? Why is it that I did EVERYTHING Iin my power to keep my baby safe and I lost mine, but she can do horrible things to her body and have a healthy pregnancy/baby." I refused to even use noname prenatel vitamins, I had to get the materna! It just isnt fair!

And some women arent financially (or emotionally) stable enough to start having kids yet they do it anyway... Dh and I are ready in every aspect and yet we lost our little one. It honestly makes me angry.

Anyway, I just wanted to add my 2cents. Hope your apt goes well tomorrow!

Ugg it's so good to get this stuff off my chest and have people who understand and relate to it.

I really try to stay positive, but sometimes I just need to get it out and I hate to be a bitch or a Debbie Downer on the more positive threads. I don't want the other ladies to feel like they can't share their joys there (God willing we will be doing the same thing soon) so I figured I'd create our own safe place for us ladies who are struggling.

I hope other ladies who have struggled will feel comfortable expressing their "dark sides" here.

Big to you, my friend! Somehow I feel like going through this together, even though we have different issues, makes us more likely to be successful!

~I know I'm supposed to believe that God is testing me, but sometimes I feel like he is punishing me

~I get angry when I see people that don't take good care of themselves (much less their children) having babies when I can't.

~I judge other mothers as being less deserving

These are the top 3 things I have felt in the most recent months. I have been ttc for 6 months now. I have no known fertility problems yet, but I do know that I am a late ovulator. I will be going for panel of blood test in a couple of days to see if and what is going on. If it helps any I know someone who has a tilted uterus and she is now pregnant via IVF.

Melissababy- I'm sorry you are also struggling. Please feel free to share your struggles and feelings here.

Also, I hope you get some answers soon.

I can relate to this. This is our third month TTC and sometimes I panic wondering if it will happen for us or not. Its especially hard with my job as a labor and delivery nurse. I love my job, but sometimes I hate how I feel. When I see mothers come in who are on drugs or don't care about their babies, it upsets me to no end. I think "why are these women having babies when they don't deserve them". It makes me feel awful about myself that I feel that way.

I can't imagine doing what you do everyday and not feeling the way you do! It's so tough

Thank god!!!!! I have been ttcing for 15 months now and only found out last month that i have low progesterone. I feel EVERYTHING that you guys do!!!! I cry on a weekly basis. I treat dh like shit,and am wondering how much more he will take before we part ways. I don't want to act like this but i cannot help it... I am jealous and angry at the people who get THEIR bfps and i always struggling.. NO ONE gets it and sometimes when I'm javing my nightly bath,i feel that maybe life would be so much easier if i wasn't here on this earth,but then i snap outta it and say HELL NO i will not give up!!!! But honestly i am sooooo tired of hitting walls everywhere i turn when it comes to this issue... its so hard and im glad that there is more of us out there willing to spill our guts about how we feel... i ask god WHY ME????? but I never get an answear back

Aroma- I've read a lot of your posts in the past and I know you've been dealing with a lot of pain

It's so hard to be happy for others when we are going through this.

I hope you will feel free to express whatever you want here on this thread.

For me at least, having a safe haven to place my negative emotions makes it easier for me to separate them out and support others.

Again, I am so sorry for all the struggles of all the ladies on this thread. Feel free to let it out here.

New confession for me- During puberty my hips expanded greatly and my family and friends have since lovingly called me "Baby Factory" and refer to my "child birthin' hips." Today I looked at myself in the mirror before getting in the shower. I looked at my hips which I used to be proud of and all I could think was "what a waste!"

Todays confession: I sometimes hope that the women on here who get their bfps after only trying for 1-2 months, have a misscarrage,so they can understand what its like to go through it. ugh thats a horrible thought isn't girls. it makes me feel ashamed.

i can honestly say i feel all these things i cry virtually daily im nasty to dp and i feel if i cannot give him the baby he wants he will leave me for a younger woman , its been 14 months now and i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel ..yet hardly anyone knows i feel like this i put on a brave face , and underneath im heart broken .......

least i have you ladies to talk to ......