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Confessions and Frustrations of ttc Women

Category: Cycle Buddies & Groups
Posted by QuothTheRaven » May. 27, 2012 8:13pm

Hi to all of you ladies who are experiencing struggles and frustrations during this ttc journey.

This thread is a spin-off of past threads by Pookerdooks and Expecting2Expect, which acted as a safe haven to vent, share, complain, and confess the negative feelings we all have at dark moments during this ttc journey. I found the treads in the past were (for me) very helpful in getting out a lot of anger and negative feelings that had built up over the course of my ttc journey. I hope that I can find others like me who need a place to vent and confess those negative thoughts we have instead of carrying them around with us.

I must insist however that no one judges anyone elses' posts. If you don't agree with a complaint or a vent. Keep it to yourself. This is a safe haven and a No-Judging-Allowed-Zone. Feel free to vent your negativity here and get the negative energy out. If your feeling guilty for your negative thoughts then feel free to confess them with ttc women who understand.

Starting things off . . . . I'm Becca, 29 and am approaching my 1 year mark of ttc #1.

Confession #1 - I immediately feel angry and jealous when I see women at the store with baby bumps. I cant help it and then I feel sorry for myself that I don't have one.

Confession #2 - I am so frustrated with women who I've talked to that get pregnant and then say, "Oh it will happen for you, after all it happened for me." I know they mean well, but I don't want to hear it. I think, "Its easy for you to say since you already are pregnant!

Confession #3 - I feel angry when people tell me its all about God's timing. I believe in God, but I don't want people saying this to me, it is extremely hurtful! Your saying God has chosen to keep me from getting pregnant until its the right time? What time will that be? I'm 29, do I need to be 40 for it to be the "right time"?

WELCOME to all ttc women regardless of how long you have been ttc or what you have to vent about. . . . . .

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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by krunchie29 » May. 28, 2012 6:24am

Totally agree with the god one. The worst thing I'm getting is that I'm still young! I'm 30 so I know I'm not Over the hill but in fertility I'm not that young and what does age matter anyway? I want kids, does it matter how old I am?

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krunchie29
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Reply by ellekayejaye » May. 28, 2012 6:32am

Krunchie - I get that too, I'm 24 and people (including doctors) have told me 'you're young, it'll happen eventually you've got plenty of time' ... yeah been TTC 3yrs 4 months jackasses lol

ANOTHER one I'm sick of hearing 'Stop trying' - ummm what? haha how's that going to work?

I think I'll take up drinking, smoking and casual sex with men I barely know, quit my folic acid and not bother to note when my periods are... seems to work for everyone else I know that's fallen pregnant in the last few years. (joking of course but how come I do the right things and it doesn't happn?)



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ellekayejaye
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 28, 2012 9:47am

i'm glad you started this forum, ttc comes with alot of frustration, i think one that bothers me the most, tho I feel guilty about it, but the women that join this site their first month of ttc and bam! they get pregnant the first try...lol...I am happy for them of course, but as someone who has been ttc for over a year, it makes it hard. i wish ttc was easy for everyone, I wish we all had a 28 day cycle. and O'ed on day 14 every time, i wish we didnt have to chart and use opks, and we all got out bfps on 8dpo! lol, good luck to everyone and baby dust :))

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 28, 2012 9:51am

also wanted to add, it kills me that 4 of my facebook friends are pregnant right now, and seeing them talk about ultrasounds and due dates just kills me, i feel guilty I cant even comment and tell them congrats or anything, nobody really knows we are ttc, i felt it would put more pressure on us, so it feels like a lonley journey, even tho i have met some awesome ladies on this site, it's hard not to be able to call up a friend or even my mother, not giving up tho, i am hopeful

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 28, 2012 11:04am

Krunchie - I get the "God this and God that" comments all of the time and it just really hurts. Totally agree with the "your still young . . . . " I have been hearing that one since I got married about 6 years ago and it gets old.

Elle - So true! I don't care what age you are, when you have been ttc for a long time and nothing has happened panic sets in no matter how old you are! Hate that comment . . . "just stop ttc, go on vacation, you just need to relax, get off of that website ctp, stop obsessing," ahhhh! seriously I have been relaxed at some point in the last 12 months.

Luv your comment about having casual sex, no prenatal vitamins and being totally irresponsible. lol So freakin true!!!!

Shannon - Holy Crap, you are so right about women coming on here and getting preggo their first or 2nd month. ugh Not that I want everyone to struggle, but it sucks to be on this end. I have so many sentiments on my page of women who have gotten pregnant and moved on and its is super depressing.

I hear you on the facebook stuff. . . "OMG I'm Pregnant" . . . Then another friend responds "OMG So Am I" That when I get off facebook as fast as I can and have a crying spell. It is a lonely place to be when no one else understands what you are going through. Shannon you are def not alone in this struggle.

My Confession - A few months ago I was told by a friend that maybe I wasn't getting pregnant because God didn't think that I could handle it and didn't want me to end up like one of those crazy ladies who kills their kids during their postnatal depression. The context of this comment was I was super depressed that I wasn't pregnant yet and was crying/venting to her and she responded with that. Seriously, it hurts so much that it came from someone I thought was a friend. Then she says after awhile, "I'm not saying its your fault that your not pregnant." Like Hell your not!!! She has a 2yr old and a 6 month old. What a joke!!!! Needless to say I haven't been as a good of friends with her since. I swear some people have no freakin sense at all!!!! Wouldn't it occur to her that was the most heartless thing she could have possibly said to me when I was clearly in a really bad place. Ahhhhhh Stupid Stupid Stupid people. I guess I need to let it go, but its hard.



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Becca, age 29 ttc #1 for abt 1 year
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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 28, 2012 12:43pm

wow Raven...thats horrible what your "friend" had said to you, I think that has to be one of the worst I have ever heard, I think sometimes, women who havnt had a problem getting pregnant, just dont know what to say to others that struggle, and so they dont understand how such comments can hurt us, (not saying what she said was ok by any means!) I am so glad to have this site tho, yes some things bother me about it lol, but its so wonderful to have others to talk to that know what I am going through, oh and I thought of another confession, guess I'm full of them LoL, but I hate how some people will say "well you already have 1 child, you should just be happy with what you have" of course I am over the moon for my ds, and I dont think I am being greedy by wanting to add 1 more, my son is desperate to have a little sibling to play with, this is not the only reason we are ttc of course, I always wanted at least 2 children, I hate it has taking this long ttc, I always wanted mine to be somwhat closer in age. baby dust to all :)

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 28, 2012 1:39pm

Shannon - Yeah, I think my friend wouldn't have said it if she had any idea how badly it was going to hurt me and stick with me. Your right, friends just don't know what to say and so they say stupid things. Unfortunately it is extremely destructive to our feelings when we are struggling so much.

I luv this website. I really do find all the support from other women in my exact same position very comforting. Also talking out my feelings with others like me is very therapeutic.

Sorry about the slap in the face comment you get about "just be glad you have one." I would be offended by that in 2 ways. So your saying I'm not grateful for what I have and 2nd your saying I'm greedy. Both of which are total bull crap. If you have been pregnant and have experienced being in that blissful place of holding your newborn little baby then you know exactly what you had and you want to experience it again. I can see where that would be extremely painful, especially if you had tried for a long time and couldn't get pregnant
again. When it comes to ttc and struggling everyone needs support.

If someone says that to you that has struggled with infertility for a year or several years, I wouldn't take it personally as I know their hurt inside is speaking. It is super scary to struggle getting pregnant with your 1st baby cuz you have this horrible fear that maybe you will never become a mother and that is a really scary place to be.

That being said I think telling someone to just be grateful they have one baby is totally rude and uncaring. I want more than one baby and I would love to eventually have both a boy and a girl. I don't think that makes me a horrible person! By the way Shannon, I saw the picture of your little boy (on your page) when he was a baby and I don't blame you at all for wanting another baby. What a CUTIE PIE!!!!

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Becca, age 29 ttc #1 for abt 1 year
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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 28, 2012 2:46pm

lol thanks raven, he is a little "ham" and the joy of my life, i do feel for the women that dont have a child yet, but i do know what a wonderful adventure they are in for when they get their bfps! :) i appreciate your understanding and words of encouragement, it always makes me feel better to know someone else knows what im going through (not that im glad others are struggling) lol, its just nice to relate to others, hope you get your bfp soon! :)

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 28, 2012 8:23pm

Shannon thanks to you too, girl. Hope we all get that bfp sooner rather then later.

I need to vent, so im close to my one year mark and it really is time to make an apointment at a fertility clinic, but im having a difficult time coming to termsith the reality of my situation. I never thought this was going to happen to me. I keep thinking its going to happen and it never does. Everytime I seriously think about making that call to the clinic I just want to cry. I seriously feel like a failure, like im damaged cuz my body is apparently broken. I worry if its my fault cuz I dont exercise everyday or I dont eat enough vegetables. I just want what so many other women have. I feel like people look at me as a defective woman and pity me or judge me as being undeserving of a baby.

I have to accept reality at some point and make that call, but im seriously going to bawl my eyes out after I get off the phone.

Becca

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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 28, 2012 9:43pm

oh hun, you are def NOT damaged, or a failure by any means, i know it is hard to ask for help, but at least you have the option to do so, (not trying to say one of those "wrong things" we mentioned earlier) but some women, cant even turn to the doc for help, for the lack of insurance coverage, or what ever reason, instead of looking at it like a bad thing, try to think that making the call could make this happen for you, what if the reason you havnt got pregnant yet is something so simple and minor, a quick fix and then you get your bfp! i know its hard, but to me, it doesnt matter who i have to call or what i need to do, if it gets you your little bean thats all that matters :) i dont want you to think i dont think your feelings are valid, because your concerns and feelings are very valid, i just want you to know it will be worth it, its ok to need help sometimes! :)) your in my prayers

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 28, 2012 10:50pm

Shannon Thanx for the encouraging words. Your right it could be an easy fix, I hope it is. Thanx for the prayers and understanding. Hope we all get our bfps soon. : )

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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 29, 2012 3:56am

I have been thinking about that call and im really angry that I am forced to make the call at all. No offense Shannon, but I refuse to be greatful that I can go to a fertility clinic and find out that I have a broken uterus. Millions of women have babies every day including crack heads and women working the wellfare system. Im just one of the unlucky ones that has to have fertility issues.

Yes im going to make that call cuz I want a baby but im going to feel as angry and pissed off about it as I want. In my opinion, its bull shit that any woman should have to deal with infertility. Accepting the reality of this situation is accepting that life is cruel, unfair, and aspects of it are completely out of my control.

My next door neighbor is 5 months pregnant with her second baby and she was pregnant after a few months of ttc. As the summer goes by I am watching her belly grow while looking at negative hpts and having af show up every month. Every time I see her I feel like im dying inside, it hurts so bad and all I can think is why has the universe taken a shit on me. Im angery, pissed off and im not going to look at the bright side of things.

Honestly im going to be angry and im going to greive. I dont believe in putting on a brave face and a fake smile, especially on this particular thread that was meant to be a place to vent our anger and dark feelings instead of surpressing them while they destroy us inside.

Im just trying to vent as a way of dealing with my emotions. Thanks for letting me get this stuff off my chest.
Becca

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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 29, 2012 8:23am

i know where your coming from hun, one of my best friends is pregnant, and got preg on there first try, its hard for me, and i try to be supportive and excited for her, but its hard, so i know how you feel, i know its not easy to come to terms with the fact you might need outside help to become pregnant, but you seem to be a very strong person, a year of ttc can show you just how strong you are, even if you feel like your breaking, i know you can do this, i hope you will keep us updated, maybe while you're waiting for an appt, you will get a surprise! ive heard of that happening :)

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 29, 2012 10:03am

Still waiting to hear other womens confessions!! LOL come on ladies, share with us! :))

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by ellekayejaye » May. 29, 2012 11:50am

"Everything happens for a reason" "There must have been something wrong with it"- said in relation to my miscarriage and inability to concieve, what like my babies are evil or something and best out of this world?

"God has a plan" - to make me want a baby but take it away from me then stop me concieving?

"Forget about it and it'll happen" - Only fertile like 24 hours in a month... hmmm...

and I HATE late AF and a nice grrr! haha

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ellekayejaye
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 29, 2012 5:25pm

Thanx Shannon, I was really pissed off at like 3 am I wrote all that. Lol Feeling a little bit better now.

Elle AMEN to everything you wrote!!!!! What a load of crap! Had to laugh as I was reading it. Cant believe how stupid and insensitive some people are!

My CURRENT GRIPE dollar tree test evap lines!!! Need I say more???? Those stupid little mini tests jerk me around every cycle!!! Ive had very convincing PINK second lines and then I test on a different brand its negative every time!!!!!! Seriously what the Crap. Then the next month I stupidly buy more. Lol Whats wrong with me! Seriously!

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Becca, age 29 ttc #1 for abt 1 year
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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by ShannonLanie » May. 29, 2012 6:59pm

lol yeah i feel you on the dollar tree test, wondfos are the same way for me, i just dont trust them, but yet i still buy the dollar test, trying to save money, blah....if i just didnt have the urge to test so much, i could use FRERs and trust the results

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ShannonLanie
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Reply by IwishImay » May. 29, 2012 9:28pm

We have been ttc for over a year. I cry every time my bbt drops and I know AF is just walking up the front walk and crush me yet again. I feel defeated, pushed down, kicked and stabbed all because of a drop in my temp.

I feel like I'm doing the walk of shame when I go to the drug store to to buy yet another box of tampons (I refuse to buy them in advance anymore - if she shows, I'll buy but until then, not gonna do it). I walk out defeated, embarrassed and cursing under my breath. And then to return two weeks later to buy yet another box of ovulation test and a pregnancy test, praying that these two boxes will be the last I need for a year or so. I have started to go to different drug stores so that the ladies at the one by my house won't give me "that look" anymore.

I am angry and irritated that my insurance doesn't cover any infertility help. Even if I mention it in a visit with my dr, the insurance guy warned me to be careful because if the dr notes or anything in regards to infertility they may not pay for that visit! UGH!!! Seriously!!!????



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IwishImay
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Reply by QuothTheRaven » May. 30, 2012 2:04am

Shannon glad im not the only one buying those stupid tests!!!! Lol

Aryian I feel your pain girl!!! I make that walk of shame every month as well when I buy more ovulation kits and more hpts. im always embarrassed and worried about what the employees are thinking.

Insurance for infertility treatments is a total joke in the us! Me and dh have good insurance with his new job, but anything remotely related to infertility is 100% NOT COVERED!!!! If I want to get any treatment at all its going to be completely out of pocket. Its soooooo depressing cuz we are trying to get out of debt not go into MORE debt! The most pathetic part of this story is that we have fabulous maternity coverage. ha ha good thing we have insurance!!!!!!! What a joke!


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Becca, age 29 ttc #1 for abt 1 year
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QuothTheRaven
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Reply by IwishImay » May. 30, 2012 5:36pm

Shannon and Becca: I must say that I too get caught up in buying those damn cheap ass tests that just cause more issues than they should. UGH! We are all going to go crazy. I just wait for a news story to come on about the "new addiction" that scientists have researched called -crazyladyhpt addiction- I'm sure it will hit the news sooner or later and my photo will be blasted out into the world. LOL.

Feeling much better today and I have to say that although I'm extremely happy for the four friends on the site who have gotten pregnant, I'm so freakin green with jealousy!!!!



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IwishImay
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