Time to let go…

Posted on November 27th, 2011. Written by MeAsAMommy.

It’s that awful time of the month for me again. AF is due, but since I’m on progesterone, she won’t come until I stop taking it. Tests are BFN. No noticeable symptoms of pregnant. Nails are breaking. Big pimple on my chin. Sure signs of AF. So now all that’s left is to let go of the hope. Accept that it didn’t happen for us this month. Accept that it’s time to start over again.

It’s a hard thing, to let go. I have a few good friends on a forum I belong to that got their bfps this month. I honestly couldn’t be happier for them, sincerely. I’m not jealous. Well, I suppose I do envy them, but not in the way that I don’t want it to be happening for them, just that I wish I could be in that place too. I wish I could be due date buddies with them. But it’s not going to happen.

February 26, 2012
March 28, 2012
May 9, 2012
June 8, 2012
July 4, 2012
August 5, 2012

All due dates that I could have had. Just in the last six months. It’s better, I suppose, not to dwell on these dates. I don’t, really (I looked most of them up to write this), but the first would have been my due date with my miscarriage.

So as I brace myself for what I call “The Dark Time” of the month, I face the next cycle with uncertainty. I am not sure what treatment I will use this month. My HR manager is trying to find out if injections would be covered (at least in part) by my insurance after all. If they are, I’d like to try that. Otherwise we will use femara. I thought I would feel more encouraged at the idea of trying something new. But I don’t feel that yet…