The Common Thread Project

Posted by JustCallMeTeach | Filed under Trying to Conceive

I walk into Babies R Us, a trip that is never fun to make these days.  Nothing quite like spending an hour or three in a giant monument of everything that I don’t have. However, my friend called in tears this morning asking for my help in picking out her registry items.  I started to stall and give excuses but then I realized that I can’t let my issues get in the way of my friendships.

The last time I was in here, I just found out I was pregnant and I was basking in the glow of the life that was blooming inside of me.  Now, its just a painful reminder.  I turned the corner with my friend and spotted a woman who had to be well into her second trimester.  She was just starting to show and had her hand placed ever so gently on her emerging bump.  I felt the jealousy starting to well within me, a feeling that was unfortunately all-too familiar.  “That should be me” I thought painfully  “I’d be into my second trimester by now”.

Then I spotted it.  The fragile dark red thread on her right wrist.  Suddenly my jealousy subsided and was quickly replaced by excitement and happiness for this woman I have never met.  I wanted to run up to her and hug her.  At the risk of scaring her and my friend, I managed to hold back my excitement and to utter a sincere and excited “Congratulations!”  as I passed her.  As we walked by, I waved to her and I caught the glimpse of understanding in her eyes when she saw the dark red thread gracing my wrist.

I spent the rest of my trip thinking about that stranger and feeling hopeful that my time would come again and someday I’d be the woman in the aisle, receiving the congratulatory wave from the stranger.  My day will come.

So how is it that one lonely piece of dark red thread could change the entire attitude of my day?  I realized that the woman that I met in that aisle had literally been in my shoes.  She was wearing the common thread.   Going on three years go, the internet community of women struggling with infertility discussed the need for a secret handshake of sorts.  Some sort of a secret symbol to others to let them know that they weren’t alone.  For pregnant woman to let that woman next to her know that she had been there.

I am in the process of making myself a new Common Thread bracelet for a few reasons.  One, I’ve worn the first one to pieces.  I was constantly making sure it was still on my wrist!  The second is that I want to add something to memorialize MacKenna (the baby we lost last year).    Some people have brought up the possibility of the common thread bracelet being confused with a certain religious bracelet, which is why the world is full of possibilities for making your own unique bracelet.  I am going to excerpt the meaning behind the pomegranate thread from another blog, which I encourage you all to take the time to read the full post on.

From Stirrup Queens:

Royalyne stepped forward and got the ball rolling with a write up that we tweaked until it became this statement:

Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.

In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.

The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.

The Common Thread Project: Wear to Make Aware

Tagged : Common Thread, Infertility

Comments (0) | April 24th, 2009