Community post

I would not bring the subject of surrogacy up. I know you are just trying to help, but it could be perceived as presumptuous. Couples that have been trying for a very long time have usually thought about other options. Years ago, when we desperately were trying to conceive our first, my mother-in -law gave us a book on adoption for Christmas. I know she did not want to hurt our feelings; she was just trying to help. However, it made us feel worse and it took me quite a while to get over this incident. The best thing is to listen to your friend carefully and to give her your time when she needs it. If she would like your opinion on what to do next I am sure she will bring up the subjects that are on her mind. All the best.

I don't think you should bring it up. What has helped me with my losses are the people who tell me they are sorry or send a card. Most comforting words hurt more than they help, so just day you're sorry and there for her if she wants to talk. Send her an occasional "thinking of you" text or card of she doesn't want to connect, but don't push it. If she would happen to bring up surrogacy, you could definitely talk to her more about it, but remember to follow her lead on this one.

Good luck. It's tough to know what to do when you can't fix this. Hugs!

I would not bring it up. This would be poor timing to do so right now. I've been trying to conceive for 4 years. My eggs are old, so surrogacy isn't an option for everyone. What helped me was friends/family asking "how are you feeling?" and after I gave my good or bad news, them saying "if you ever want to talk or just hang out or if I'm being too pushy just let me know" or "I'm always here if you need me for anything". Even if you do eventually bring it up, if the friendship is strong & it's done at a time when you are actively discussing things & she has grieved long enough (whatever that means!) your friendship will survive.