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I TFMR 8 months ago. Feeling regret, does it ever get easier?

I had a medical abortion and delivered my baby girl at 21 weeks. She had hypo plastic right heart syndrome (she had only half of her heart). I was too scared for her to be born and have to go through all the surgeries and face a lifetime of problems. I went through with the abortion with those thoughts and now I have feelings of regret even more than before and it has been 8 months since she was born. I sometimes feel like I made the wrong decision but don't want to feel that. I want to feel that I made the right decision and I am just taking the pain for her. But it still kills me that she could have been here, she could have been okay if she had survived all of her surgeries,of course she would always have had problems but she could have been here. I just wanted all of my babies to be healthy, am I a bad person for making that decision? I just want to feel better about my decision but I have no one to talk to.

4 Answers • 10 years ago


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You are completely and totally justified in terminating for a reason like that. You love your little girl so much that you were willing to let her go to avoid making her go through a lifetime of pain. That's a sign of incredible strength and kindness in my opinion, not a bad person.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to send me a message. I have never had a similar experience (never been pregnant sadly) but I'm here for you.


TTC #1 since Oct. 2011 MC @ 6 weeks, Mar. 2015 (suspected - never confirmed) MC @ 16 weeks, July 2015 CP Oct. 2015 Nov. 13, 2015 @ 15 DPO! for a rainbow baby!

10 years ago


Thank you. I just needed to hear that, I know I am not the only one that would have made that decision but it's just hard sometimes, I wish I didn't have to be faced with a decision like that in my life, but I was. I know I will have to live with it forever, I just feel sometimes that some people might look down on me because they would not have made the same decision and it hurts. I do feel it was a selfless decision because I didn't want her to be faced with any pain or problems in her life, but sometimes I think about the fact that she could be here with me and I do feel regret. I would have rather lost her in this way then her be here and have died after being alive and getting to know her for days, weeks, months or even years, that would have hurt a lot more, and seeing her so fragile after surgeries. I just didn't want her to go through it. I don't think that pain will ever go away, but hoping it gets better over time.

10 years ago • Post starter


I'm here for you too. Nothing anyone really says helps heal the hurt. I lost my two year old to an accident when he was being cared for buy someone else. Of course I regret that he wasn't with me. If my baby had survived he would have struggled too. I believe as a mother you know the right thing for your child in this circumstance. #lotsofhugs# PM me if you need me too #nojudgementhere#

10 years ago


Thank you both for responding to my question. @opalfoxy I have a son about to turn 2 on the 19th and I couldn't imagine losing him. I am so sorry for your loss. <3 I am here for you too if you need to talk. How long ago did you lose your son? How long have you been TTC?

10 years ago • Post starter


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